The Perks Of Being A Potterhead
by Lucciey
Summary: I own nothing. ScoRose Oneshots.
1. Chapter 1

**Some of those stories that happened and some which didn't. You're free to choose.**

* * *

I rummage around in my bag looking for a map but I can't find it. "Shit," I mumble. "How the hell will I come home now?" Because honestly, I've no idea where I am.

I went to Diagon Alley by Metro this morning because my family lives in an expensive muggle hotel for a few months while our house gets renovated. And this fucking hotel is in the middle of Muggle London and I forgot where it is and I'm so tired. _Maybe I should rest for a while_. I sigh and sit down on the stony floor.

Eventually I doze off until someone taps me. "Scorpius? You know you sit in the middle of the pavement?" A familiar voice asks. It's a nice voice. A girl's voice. I turn around and see Rose.

"Rose? The hell are you doing here? Wait doesn't matter. I'm so happy to see you. Can you help me?"

"Of course." She says and then she smiles one of her breathtaking smiles and I know I'm more lost than before.

* * *

"What does this mean for us?" she asks. Her voice is hoarsely and her usually shiny eyes have lost their sparkle.

I don't know what to say or what to do. I want to hug her but we just kind of broke up, wouldn't that be awkward?

I sigh and answer her. My voice is surprisingly calm. "I don't know, Rose. I really have no idea. I know that I still love you but it will never work. Maybe this is just the wrong time. If we're meant to be, we will meet again, right?"

I turn around and leave.

Alone.

* * *

"Rose," I whisper.

My heart starts to flutter the way it hasn't since ages, well since she left actually. It feels as if I am alive again after all this time. As if I'd just waken up.

Rose is back and she will come home with me because we are meant to be. She dances in the middle of the room and I watch her for a minute or two.

We've broken up when she left but now she is here, back in England. Surely that means something?

So I just walk through the crowd, tap her shoulder and kiss her when she turns around. At first she doesn't move but then I hear that she whispers my name and she responds to the kiss.

* * *

He is back. After some many months he walks down the street as if he did this every day. My heart flutters because he is back home where he belongs. Waiting in front of my door as if he lives here and simply has lost his keys.

* * *

The next morning when I wake up she is gone. The bed next to me is empty and her clothes are removed from the floor. "Rose?" I call. She puts her head through the door frame. "Yeah? I'm in the kitchen baking bread!"

* * *

I break away from her. "What? I need you. Don't you need me?"

I remember how I'd catched her. Her, the golden girl falling down.

And then later as I watch her entering the plane my heart breaks.

I guess that's her answer.

I've thought that she would stay if I asked her to. How stupid. She told me that she would leave. Her father told me she would leave. Everyone told me she would leave and break my heart and I just couldn't listen.

* * *

After I spent my whole day with Al and his wife and their little son, I walk home and the moment I turn left into my street I feel as if i had traveled back in time because I can see someone, **her**, sitting in front of my door the way she used to do it all those years ago. All those memories ago. And seriously who am I kidding? I'm not over her nor will I ever be. Because she is the one. And all she says when I finally reach my house is a simple hey and then she hugs me and I know I will never let her leave me again. I will go with her wherever she plans to go.

* * *

She'd become quieter, smaller than he'd ever seen her. As if she would try to hide her beauty behind the curtain of her long auburn hair.

He'd had always been a loner. But she? She had been pure life and happiness and his heart was screaming when he saw her like this.

Had he done this to her? He had thought it was the best for them. For a Weasley and a Malfoy. Because they just didn't belong together even if they made sense, even if his heart told him to go to her and make her take him back.

* * *

You left and everything is so weird now. You didn't just leave us but you took a part of us with you.

Your brother stopped eating, your cousin cannot talk without tears streaming down her face and I? I'm not even alive anymore. I eat, and study and do my homework but I became a robot.

Why did you leave? Couldn't you see how much we love you? Didn't you realize we would miss you so so much?

* * *

There she was. Running through the streets as if nothing had happened. Sitting down inside a small café.

As if she hadn't been away.

She laughed the same way and she smiled the same way but I couldn't stop thinking that she had never before been as pretty as today.

I wanted to go to her and tell her that she got what she wanted. That she'd broken my heart, won her little game. I didn't do it though, not ready to get an answer I would never want to hear.

I never really understood why she did it and to be honest I probably never will. Why do people break hearts?

Maybe she just wanted someone to feel the way she did. Maybe she didn't mean to break my heart. Maybe she thought it was funny. I'll never know.

She had a new guy with her. A new toy or a new love? They seemed happy and I couldn't help but wonder if she had ever felt the same with me. For me.

For a second she raised her head and our gazes met and I could see it in her eyes.

"Oh crap." She thought. That's it. All I was for her is 'oh crap'.

But then she smiled and I began to understand that maybe, maybe she had loved me just as much as I had loved her. As I still loved her.

So I just nodded and she lowered her gaze. Laughing about a joke the guy made while I left the café.

* * *

"Your mind is a beautiful and dark place." She tells him one night on Patrol and he doesn't know how to react.

"You are a beautiful and dark person." He answers after a while and he's surprised when she smiles and kisses him.

That night he decides to compliment Rose Weasley every day from now on.

* * *

"There's a reason I'm in Slytherin, Rose. I don't trust anyone. Not even you, and when you ask me if I'm alright I'm afraid you'll use it against me when I tell you the truth. When I hang out with you and talk to you I'm afraid you get bored with me. I'll never stop being suspicious and paranoid and I'll never be able to trust anyone. Maybe it's the best if we just stop being friends. You have to find someone who's healthy and funny and trusting."

"The reason you're in Slytherin is that you're a pathetic coward." She retorts and her words cut through him like knives.

* * *

Scorpius sneers and Rose flinches.

Scorpius smirks and Rose blushes.

Scorpius acts and Rose reacts.

They have perfected their little acts long ago and he sometimes watches her when nobody looks at him, hoping that maybe one day she'll look back at him the way he looks at her.

* * *

The sun is shining too bright but he keeps waiting anyway because he promised to pick her up at the airport today.

He remembers the day he left England and he's happy that Rose is visiting him. He's surprised when he sees her because yes, she somehow still looks the same with her red hair that seems to be on fire in this light, and her blue eyes and her million freckles, but she looks too thin. Too small. Too unhappy.

For a minute he's sure she's a ghost but then she breaths in and out and he hugs her. Hugging her so she won't just break into pieces.

"I never felt at home in England," he tells her later that evening, she doesn't respond or look at him and though he knows she's listening.

"And then I hoped I'd find my home somewhere else and now I'm here and it took me a long time to realise something. For me home isn't a place. I could travel the whole world and I would never find a place where I felt like I belong."

She looks at him now and their eyes meet before he continues. "It took me so long to realise something else. As a matter of fact I did the second I saw _you_ today. For me home isn't a place, Rose, but a person. For me you're home."

"I know." she whispers and it's so quiet he almost doesn't hear it. "I'm sorry for what happened to me, Scorp. I'll try to stop it. I'll try."

She looks away again and with a sigh he takes her hands. "I don't know what happened to you, Rose, but it's not your fault. If you fell down from a broom and broke your leg you wouldn't say it's your fault either. I don't know how to help you but I'll be here for you. I'm not going to leave you again, and I won't let you leave either. At least not the world. You can leave me whenever you want but never this world."

* * *

"Hey." I look up from my book and see Scorpius Malfoy standing in front of my table.

"Hey Scorpius. Take a seat." I smile at him and he seems nervous but decides to sit down anyway.

"The thing is uhm, it's like... er our last day today. I mean we still might meet somewhere but..." He blushes and I interrupt him.

"Yes, our last day before graduation, I know. But I guess you had something more important than telling me we'll leave tomorrow?"

His silver eyes meet mine for a second and he must have gained some confidence because he continues talking.

"Don't laugh, please, but imagine.. Well, us."

"Us?" I raise my eyebrows and his blush deepens.

"Uh yes. I mean it's all I think about because you're amazing and I just really want to hold you forever and er we could be so happy. So uhm... Can you imagine that?"

I smile at him and take his pale hand in my tanned freckled one.

"Yes."

* * *

"You know, Scorp, I stopped trusting you a while ago." It startles him that she says it so matter-of-factly.

"Well, what can I do to make you trust me again?" He asks and for a while it seems as if she won't answer.

"I don't know." She then whispers and he hugs her tightly because they're still best friends, right?

"How about I tell you something I never told anyone?"

"That would show that _you_ trust _me_, not that I trust you. But whatever." She sighs and he smiles and kisses her neck, delighted that she blushes at that.

"Thank you, oh great Rose, for giving me your attention." He smirks as he can see her smile, at least he can still make her happy.

"You know, I started fancying someone, Rose."

"Yeah. I guessed that." She nervously bites her lip and his smirk grows and he leans even closer to whisper in her ear.

"The secret is that the girl I fancy, well, she's my best friend."

He can feel her blush now as it deepens and she mumbles something that sounds like "That doesn't change anything."

But then he tickles her and she laughs and hits him playfully and he knows he is forgiven.

* * *

His eyes cold as ice and grey like rain clouds.

Her eyes like hot chocolate and sunshine.

His hair white like snow and hers red like fire.

They're complete opposites and somehow still the same.

Because they're quiet around strangers.

Because they laugh about Al and his stupid jokes.

Because they stopped caring a long time ago.

Because they're both too shy to tell each other how they feel.

* * *

Rose visits me two months after his funeral. She's dressed in black and she smiles and laughs politely but her eyes don't sparkle anymore the way they used to.

And then as we sit in my living room in silence I can't wait anymore. I bluntly ask her what she wants.

"I always forget how well you know me, Al." Rose smiles sadly.

"But honestly we both know why I'm here. You've always been rather talented in Potions. Do you have a potion to... to finish it? To end all the pain? I can't go on like this. Please, Al," She begs.

And I help her because that's what I always do. _Always did._

We cry for a while after I promise her to help. We look at old pictures and then I give her the potion. I hug her one last time and she leaves. _London. England. The world. Me._

But at least I had the chance to say goodbye to her.

And it's alright now because this is the only way her story should end. The only way it could.

Somehow it makes sense even if my head tells me it doesn't, my heart knows the truth. She belongs with him wherever that might be.


	2. Chapter 2

"I thought we were friends, Scorp."

"Friends? Why would I be friends with you, Weasley?"

His cronies laugh and even though he's grinning at them, his eyes give him away.

"You're not even half the actor you pretend to be. Stop being such a jerk, _Malfoy_."

* * *

They'd been together since months now and somehow it felt like eternity to him because he knew everything about her. Then again time had passed so fast. It felt like they'd started dating only yesterday.

"Time's making a fool of us, Rosie." He told her one day and she smiled and agreed with him because really? She felt the same way he did.

* * *

"I didn't do it for you, Malfoy."

"I know. But thank you anyway."

They sat in silence.

"I'm sorry, you know?"

"What for, Malfoy?"

"You know exactly what for. I just... The world wasn't ready for a Malfoy and a Weasley together."

"The world would have got used to it. That's not an excuse."

"I know. I'm still sorry though. I never stopped loving you, you know?"

* * *

"This was literally the worst idea ever."

"You don't fucking say. I bet Rose - " I begin but Al interrupts me.

"Oh fuck, no, not again, Scorp! I really don't want to drink any of this stuff anymore." Al throws his bottle away from him.

"Like seriously, Scorp, had I known before just how much you talk about Rose, I'd never joined this game."

"I don't talk about her that much." I defend myself but Al just looks at me with raised eyebrows.

* * *

"I saw the way you look at her." She whispered. "It's the way you used to look at me, you know?"

He couldn't answer. He couldn't tell her she was right. He wasn't ready to hurt her even more.

"It's over, Scorp. I really can't live like this anymore. I love you, probably always will, but I can't fight anymore. Not with you and not for you either."

"Rose, please..."

"Don't lie to me. We both know I don't deserve that."

* * *

People smile and take pictures and hug each other and laugh and make jokes. He doesn't feel like being a part of it.

_This isn't a day to be happy, _he thinks. Rose is leaving. She won't come back, no matter what she was saying and promising right now. _She won't come back._ She would never lie next to him again. Suddenly there's a lump in his throat and tears in his eyes.

"Can we talk?" He nods but avoids her eyes nevertheless. _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._ He repeats this in his head over and over like a mantra.

"I love you, Scorp. You're my best friend. And I wanted you to know that. But I love myself more, I want to see the world. I have to leave, staying here is killing me." She's crying now. On any other day he'd have hugged her to calm her down but under the given circumstances it seems almost inappropriate not to cry.

"I can't let go of you this easily. You'll never come home again." He feels tears running down his face now, too. He wonders if he looks as perfect and heartbreakingly beautiful when he cries as Rose does.

She doesn't deny his accusation. "It never felt like home to me."

* * *

"I feel empty."

Her first words since years. One would think that after all that time she'd say hello first. Back then, in Hogwarts, she'd told me once that she hated small talk though.

"If you want something just ask for it!" She had angrily snapped and I hadn't know what to answer at that time. I don't know what to answer right now either. I want to hold her so close that she won't be able to break ever again.

"I missed you," I tell her instead. It's not a lie, I did miss her a lot. Old Rose would have laughed at that. Would have told me to stop being so stupid. New Rose doesn't do that. Instead she raises her head and looks at me.

"Good for you." She says. I wonder when her voice became that cold and nonchalant. I wonder when she stopped caring.

I want to shake her and ask her when and why we stopped being friends. I still want to hug her so tight that she won't be able to breath, too. I can't do that. None of it. So I walk away.

For a moment I think she'll call me or run after me but she doesn't and I don't turn around. I wonder if we'll be awkward now. If we'll avoid each other and then one day we won't have to anymore. One day we'll pretend the other one doesn't exist and never meant anything to us.

I don't want that. I don't want to just stop speaking with her. I want to hug her. As I turn around she's still standing there. Her gaze on the floor, her head down, hidden behind her long red hair.

"Rose." I shout and then I run and I literally jump at her and we fall on the floor together.

"Ouch." She says but she's laughing and smiling.

"I really did miss you, you know?"

"I know, Scorp." _I missed you, too._ She doesn't say it but I still know she thinks it.

* * *

Whispers. Hisses.

_His family is full of deatheaters. He'll turn out just like them. What does she see in him? He probably just likes her for her fame. I wouldn't date him if you gave me money for it._

"Good thing it's me dating him then, right?" Rose. She interrupts them and hand in hand we walk away.

* * *

Rose. Golden Girl. The calm before the storm. Beautiful. Pale skin. Freckles. Fragile. Rain and freedom. A dying flower.

* * *

He doesn't remember when he started to love her. Thinking about it, it seems impossible that there ever was a time he didn't love Rose Weasley.

* * *

I still can't believe **he**'s gone. I need **him**. They say time will heal my wounds. _Time will go by, Rosie._ Life's too slow without **him**. I need **him**. I still crave for **his** touch and voice and presence. It still feels like **he**'s here.

**He** was my everything and I was **his**. Why did **he** leave me? It's so unfair. We hadn't enough time. I wanted to give my whole life to **him** but I never got the time. We were supposed to die in each other's arms but **he** left. Why did **he** leave me?

I'll do everything to not fight with him anymore. He's an asshole. He misses **him** just as much as I do. He's such a macho. He never helps in the household. I don't understand why he ever was **his** best friend. He's a pain in the arse. _You're breaking up with me, Rose? _I'm sorry. Can we still be friends? _Yes_.

We had that house in the mountains. I sometimes go there. I remember how **he** proposed to me. We were sitting on a bench under the trees by the lake. We were so young. I miss **him**. I hear our song all the time. I look at old pictures. I try to live in the past but even there **he**'s gone. My memories of **him** are fading. _Don't you worry, Rosie. It'll get better. _It wont. I'm drowning without him.

They say I shouldn't still love **him**. I always will. I'll never love anyone the way I loved **him** ever again. I can't go home anymore. My life is a mess. I'm not ready to clean anything up. I'll always love **him**. I need time to miss **him**, to smell **his** clothes, to cry in the shower, to look at old photographs. I'm still in love with **him** and I always will be.

* * *

Seven Times Scorpius kisses Rose

The first time he kisses her, it's a quick peck on her pink lips when they're eleven. Afterwards she blushes furiously and he runs away.

The second time he kisses her, he holds her hand and looks into her eyes and then he leans in to kiss her slowly. Afterwards they dance for hours and he swirls her around the dance floor.

The third time is just a few hours later when he kisses her goodnight. He's thirteen and his lips tingle. He can't stop smiling the next weeks.

The fourth time he kisses her when he's fifteen and she (finally) broke up with her boyfriend. When he asks her to be his girlfriend she says yes and he swears to god, he's never been that happy.

The fifth time he kisses her angrily. They've only been together for a week now and she just told him she won't be there for a year. He puts all his anger into the kiss and afterwards he loses his virginity.

The sixth time they kiss when she visits him in the Christmas holidays. She looks heartbreakingly beautiful and he cries when she leaves again.

The seventh time they kiss when she comes back to England after that year and they hold each other close and only stop when the train arrives in Hogsmeade.

* * *

Rose Weasley is the most liked girl in school. For years she's content with that but the older she gets the more she gets the feeling of missing something. Yes, everybody likes her but does anyone love her? She tells this to her best friend and he laughs at her. "Don't be stupid." He says. "I've been in love with you since ages." He kisses her and that's when she realized she's finally found what she's been looking for.

* * *

"'People fall out of love all the time, Scorpius.' That's what he said to me, Rose. They're getting a divorce and that's how he explains it. I..."

"We won't. Fall out of love, I mean." She takes my hand and squeezes it.

"How do you know? How can you promise me we'll still be friends in 10 or 20 or 50 years?"

* * *

He's twelve when he starts to notice and admire girls and at the beginning he tries to be cool and make them come to him but a few years later he realises it's so much easier to just tell a girl you like her and then, when he's 24, he asks Al if he can date Rose and Al says that he shouldn't be the one to be asked.

Scorpius is ashamed for a week afterwards because if his parents found out he behaved like an old gentleman in the 1900s, treating a girl like her cousin's property, they would be so disappointed.

He can't look her in the eye for months and suddenly he's twelve again and doesn't know how to act around her and it doesn't help that she comes home one night and shags a girl, even though Al laughs when he tells him because really everyone would expect it to be the other way around. Scorpius as the knight in shining armor and Rose as the bookworm damsel.

And one day Rose comes home and he finally, finally tells her everything and she, too, laughs (maybe it's a Weasley gene to always laugh?) and says that she'd love to date him because he's smart and she quite likes him.


	3. Chapter 3

My pale face looks even paler today. Given the circumstances I'm not exactly surprised (one doesn't get to meet his future-wife every day after all).

And though I'd prefer not to marry her I must admit that she has been perfectly nice all day. Perfectly polite. Perfectly boring.

I wish I could just do what I want without breaking my parents' hearts. My reflection blinks and I almost can't recognize myself. Have I always looked that lifeless and... sad? Where's my famous Malfoy smirk?

I sigh and look down at my hands. How am I supposed to hold her hand without thinking about freckled, tanned hands?

"Rose." I whisper quietly. "I wish there was a way to free myself. I wish they wouldn't expect me to behave like a proper Malfoy. I wish they still would be proud even though I didn't choose the way they wanted me to take."

"And most of all you wished you hadn't to keep this a secret." I turn around and see my parents standing in the doorway. It's not a question but I nod anyway. My mum smiles sadly at me and to my surprise even my dad manages a small smile.

"I'll never talk to you again if my grandchildren have red hair and freckles, so you better find a charm for that now."

* * *

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale.

Try not to cry. Cry.

You know you're strong. Were strong? The tough one. The loner. You never showed your feelings. Showing emotions would mean that you cared and you didn't (except when she was with you. She, the golden girl)

And she gave a shit what the other people said about you. The moment you became friends you knew you were both in for the long run. You knew her better than anyone did.

You remember every minute with her because honestly how couldn't you? It's obvious that you had a crush on her. That you adored her red curls, her sparkling eyes, her loud laughter.

And you wanted to drown in her. To forget everything else. You wanted her to fill all your senses. To be everywhere. Since when? Probably since you first met her or maybe since the one time you two jumped in the lake in mid-december? You've forgotten when you fell for her but it's not important. The only thing that matters is that you did.

And when she sat there crying you didn't know what to do. You still have no clue what you should have done. So you just patted her back and comforted her by saying that everything would be okay and somehow it felt right. It seemed to help her, too. You miss seeing her every day, every hour, every second.

And you just had to be too cowardly to tell her the truth, didn't you? You just couldn't tell her you fell for her. Her picture is burnt on your eyelids. In every flash of red and brown you see her.

The way you were smitten with her is almost too cute, too helpless like a turtle lying on it's back. You never disagreed with her. Not even once. You just went with everything she said.

The sad thing is, you still would do so. For her. Honestly you would do everything for her. Her, the golden girl. The one.

_Damn, damn, damn._

You wish she'd be here.

* * *

She has her father's red fiery hair and her mother's brown chocolate eyes. Everyone laughs and tells her she looks just like her aunt.

Every time she goes out with her younger cousin they get mistaken for twins and when her cousin starts to date one of the Scamander twins everyone (even herself) expects her to date the other brother but she doesn't.

And one day she's had enough and she charms her hair black and with one quick move of her wand her body is covered with tattoos. Her family doesn't know what to do and so they just sit and watch how they are slowly losing their Rosie to this stranger that barely even lives with them anymore.

So the day when her father opens the door to (finally) talk to her he finds a note and an empty room. Her mother cries and her father yells while her brother isn't surprised at all. Who didn't see that coming?

...

They don't hear from her but sometimes when Hugo is walking through the streets he's thinking about her and wonders if she ever thinks about him. (She does, all the time.)

On a cold thursday evening many months later someone's waiting for him outside of the small restaurant he works as a waiter. A guy with high cheekbones and cold eyes. When he gives Hugo a note from Rose he wonders how they met. Are they friends? Is she happy? When he asks, the stranger just stares back before he leaves.

At night he watches the stars and hopes that she will return soon because he still loves her even if, or maybe because, she isn't Rosie anymore.

...

Two weeks after the incident with the cold-eyed stranger when everyone (except Hugo) has already given up looking for their Rosie, she knocks at the door and asks for money.

She says she wants to finish muggle university but she needs more money for that and her mother gives her the money without hesitation because her hair is red and the tattoo is removed.

She doesn't regret giving Rose the money but she wishes that she'd hugged her because the stranger on her doorstep at least looked like her little baby again and she loves to pretend that Rosie (not Rose) was at the door.

At night when everyone is sleeping she stares at the note she found a week after Rosie visited and she wonders how it got there. Had Rosie left it?

* * *

"So, I heard you smelled Scorpius _Malfoy _in your Amortentia? Malfoy, Rose?" Hugo says as he sits down next to me.

"How many other Scorpius do you know?" I answer him as I roll my eyes.

"You don't even try to deny it?" Asks Lily.

She and Hugo might live in different dormitories but that doesn't stop them from being like Siamese twins.

The weird thing is that when you talk to them they always take turns in talking. So our conversation was mostly like this:

I: (sigh) Why should I, Lils? Everybody knows it anyway, even Scorpius himself. I told him what I smelled after he asked me.

Hugo: (screeches) YOU TOLD HIM?!

I: Shush. Not so loud. No need to make a scene, we get enough attention as it is. And yes, I did.

Lily: So this means... That... You love him, right?

I: (laughing) Oh, Lils. It means that I want to fuck him and nothing more.

Hugo: But what did he answer after you told him that you smell him?

I: (blushing) Well, that's kind of personal, actually.

Scorpius: (sits down next to me, whispers in my ear and kisses my neck) Same room, same time?

I: (blushing even more but nodding)

Lily and Hugo: (whispering with each other)

Lily: What do you give us so we won't tell Uncle Ron?

I: (laughing) I wrote him yesterday, and he said he's okay with it.

Lily and Hugo: (look at Scorpius with evil grins)

Scorpius: (smirking) I already told my parents, too, so don't even think about it.

After that Lily and Hugo get up and leave. I take Scorpius' hand and squeeze it.

"You know, I didn't actually tell my dad. Neither my mum, to be honest."

"That's such a Slytherin thing to do, Rosie." He smirks and kisses my neck again.

"I did tell my parents, though." He continues. "They actually didn't mind. As long as they get a better social image they don't care about anything I do." He smirks.

"I can tell mine, if you want me to."

"The only thing I want you to do is to forget about same room, same time. Let's look for a broom closet somewhere."

"That's why I like you. So romantic." I roll my eyes, laugh and then I take his hand and we leave the Great Hall together.

* * *

"Malfoy, why is your hair pink?"

"Your brothers thought it'd fit me."

"Brothers? You mean cousins, right?"

"Yeah. Whatever." He turns to leave.

"Wait. Actually I think you should thank them because you're looking pretty hot with pink hair but then again it might be just you and not the hair."

* * *

I still think of him, ever after all these years. I'm also dating other people and I'm happy but in between those people I think of the boy I once knew. The boy with the palest hair and skin I've ever seen and with the ability to make me laugh every day.

* * *

"Rose. I ..." He sighs.

"I know." She yawns. She pats the bed next to her.

"Just a few more hours." He whispers, lies down next to her and slips under the blanket.

"You're cold." She says and her voice is soft like a feather, not more than a sigh.

"Sorry." He says but both of them slip closer to each other and for a while he strokes her hair and holds her close and just watches her sleep.

...

"I'll always love you, Rose Weasley." He kisses her forehead and she rubs against him like a cat.

"Didn't know you where awake. Up for a shower?" He whispers into her ear and she smiles against his chest and kisses him. He wishes mornings were always that sweet.

After their shower they have breakfast and then they go shopping and he's holding her close again.

"I'll miss this." She tells him when they walk back to the flat and he nods and squeezes her waist.

...

He wants to talk to her again at lunch but she looks so carefree and why not pretend one last day? Why not be happy and free for now?

"I love you." She says after Lunch. "Do you remember last autumn?"

"How could I forget that?" He smiles, a real genuine smile and it both warms and breaks her heart.

She wants to tell him not to go. To forget about everything and to run away with her. Most of all she wants to tell him that she'll miss him but she can't say any of those things so she just kisses him again.

...

In the evening they watch her favorite movie and afterwards they eat dinner. It's a normal day, but a day that makes it hard to give up on what they have.

Later he brings her to bed and sits down next to her. She takes his hand in her two smaller freckled ones and squeezes it. He's proud that she doesn't cry but he's more proud that he hasn't yet because he can feel it welling up inside him.

"I love you, Rose Weasley."

She smiles one of her beautiful heartbreaking smiles and he wants to promise her that they'll meet again and that everything will be alright but he doesn't and she doesn't ask him to slip under the covers this time. Instead she kisses him and holds him so close that he can feel her heartbeat.

"I love you, Scorp."

He looks back at her lying under her blanket and he wonders if that is the last time he'll ever see her.

He's almost closed the door now when he pushes it open again. "Maybe if we..." He begins but she interrupts him.

"You promised it, Scorp. You would never be able to live if you'd break that promise now."

"Yes, but I'll be never able to live without you either." He's crying now.

* * *

"You know that I love you and always will, don't you, Rose?"

"But?"

"What do you mean _but_?"

"There always comes a _but_ with this sentence, Scorp. _But_ my mum doesn't likes you. _But_ I love someone else more. _But_ I got a new job and will move far away. _But_ I actually don't love you."

"There's no _but_ with me, Rose."

"You're such a sap."

"You wouldn't want me any other way."

* * *

It's one of those weird moments I'll never forget. Rose was lying next to me and she was talking. I wish I could remember what she was saying but I can't.

I wish a lot actually. For example I wish she hadn't left or that she had loved me more. I wish I could have been enough and I wish I could get her back. I could fill a book with all my wishes and all they'll ever be are just wishes. I also wish I had hold her more often and kissed her freckled nose and told her that she was perfect.

About three months after that night on the roof we'd broken up. She had moved away to study somewhere in the west.

"I need to get out of here for a while," she had shouted. And that was the last time I'd seen her.

Al said she has a new boyfriend now.

"He's okay I guess but you guys were so much better together." I know we were, Al. Thanks for pointing that out.

That's why I'm here again, lying on the fucking roof. The sun is red (_like her hair_ my brain adds) and the sky is blue and purple and pink and yellow. Soon it'll be all dark sprinkled with thousands of stars.


End file.
